Gratitude de luxe

I think I first heard about gratitude journaling on Oprah. Sounded a bit too hunky dory and don’t-they-have-anything-else-to-think-about? So naturally I kept too busy to do it…

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I think I first heard about gratitude journaling on Oprah. Sounded a bit too hunky dory and don’t-they-have-anything-else-to-think-about? So naturally I kept too busy to do it.

Second wave came with The Secret books. I actually did the exercises, but again it didn’t really stayed with me. Start-stop-syndrome.

Third time was with Rhonda Britten – she advocates taking it a bit deeper than just listing things, to actually write out the whole scenario or scenery in such a way, that if you look back into your journals years from now, you should be able to recall the exact memory.

This did help a bit. I stayed on it for ca 10 months – 5 every day.

Then I read the book by T Harv Eker and doubled it to 10.

Yet it started to feel random again.

Then something didn’t happen and I couldn’t write how grateful I was about it as I had planned.

Somewhere along the lines of understanding myself and understanding co-dependency patterns it does have sank in that controlling out comes is a less good habit. As well as things happen when we are ready, universe has our back etc.

So for whatever reason I started to write the good things it was or could be that this thing hadn’t happen. And then it worked. It just came bubbling up and I almost over-whelmed myself with emotion.

It not just worked for deepening gratitude, but it also turned negative thinking and expectations into something positive, so positive in fact I could dwell in the feeling of good rather than bad.

That was a first and I liked it. Maybe it will get old too one day, but for now it does the job very well.

Do you have any De Luxe versions of gratitude yourself? Please share with me 🙂

316 signals to go. Good steps.

Image courtesy to Thank You1 at www.freedigitalphotos.net

A 1 year challenge

There is a time in life when we draw a line in the sand.

When we leave without ever turning back.

When we emerge ourselves into something with an energy beyond anything we ever focused on before.

There is a time in life when we draw a line in the sand.

When we leave without ever turning back.

When we emerge ourselves into something with an energy beyond anything we ever focused on before.

My line in  the sand came when I was 42 years old and within a time frame of 4 years I lost my father, I was witness to something criminal, I had a child coming back to live with me (without any financial help at all), my spouse was put in isolation – in a foreign country – due to life threatening virus, another child being bullied, business partners and certain staff trying everything from taking advantage to steel or plainly assuming I would pick up the bill for any mistake possible, being diagnosed with 4th grade cancer and medical burnout, taking care of my cancer sick addictive mother in her home… all culminating in my mother’s death, a severely damaged business-out of control -I was barely working in(aka no active income) yet legally responsible for, a badly collapsed relationship and a complete physical and mental exhaustion… so I draw a line. The line.

____________________________________________________

And I said yes to myself and no to most things going on – and intentionally I let it all, or most of it, collapse.

I started the journey of re-starting myself financially, re-defining myself personally, re-covering physically, re-structure my work and my relationships.

This is my journey now.

Part of it is that I am a writer and in specific a story teller. It is one of my core skills and ways I always have expressed myself. Both professionally and privately. So to start it off by a commitment to myself, to write every day, about this journey felt like the logical start.

This is MY 1 YEAR CHALLENGE.

So why am I putting this here and even telling people about the back-ground? Because I don’t think I am alone. My story may have different details, but the general issues are common to anyone having a life crisis – or having one, but not knowing how to deal with it, or having one and trying to ignore it.

And it gives a structure to an otherwise shapeless existence.

And it gives a sense of togetherness and new friendships.

In reality all things happen simultaneously. And it is only in an ideal world we can push pause on all other areas in our lives and then later push play again and things go back exactly as they were. They don’t. They never do.

In reality we have to grieve one person and parent another at the same time.

In the real world we have to deal with our physical shortcomings and go to work at the same time.

In the real world we have to save ourselves at the same time as we are helping everybody else.

So for 1 year I will be sharing this on this blog – my 365 signals finding my new home within myself.

If you are someone who also is on a quest for some sort of change and would like to share or connect or just follow – I am happy to support and follow you back. Maybe you have already assigned yourself some similar type of challenge? Please let me know in the comment box, email me or connect on social media.

Let us be strong together.

M.

PS. I am looking for other people who has given themselves or finished self-proclaimed challenges, similar like this – maybe another topic, another format or another time frame – for an article. If it is you or you know of anyone pls message me 🙂 DS

318 signals to go.

IMAGE COURTESY TO ETAPHOP AT WWW.FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.NET

[BOOK REVIEW 2016/1] The Girl In The Spider’s Web by David Lagerkrantz

…what is right and wrong and to which extent would you compromise yourself – or not – for the sake of it?

 

I have always liked the 2 main characters of journalist Mikael Blomkvist and hacker genius Lisbeth Salander, so this was of course a joyful experience again.

I love recognizing my childhood’s Stockholm and many of their working environments.

What is intriguing and keeps me hooked I think is the general questions of what is right and wrong and to which extent would you compromise yourself – or not – for the sake of it? Typical its original plot also this story weaves in fine portraits of supporting characters and their struggles and development as human beings. Love, dignity, justice, civil courage, intelligence – all backed by the scenarios of a society getting more and more desperate to keep itself alive despite all its injustice, corruption, lack of moral and ethics and the constant chase to do or be something good before falling victims for evil in everybody that they all have a price in money anyone can buy.

Maybe that is why we like this Lisbeth despite all her anti-social behaviours – to rise despite all and to follow her inner compass no matter what – isn’t that what we all want in the end?

I could make this review all about NSA, data handling and insider trading, but I think it would be boring – we know it is out there and we in this matter have chosen to read a fictional book rather than do something about it ourselves – so let’s not dwell there.

So here are my questions to myself:

Enjoyable? Yes, barely put it down. Read all next to 500 pages in one go.

Any take-aways?

  • Learned about autism and intelligence in new manners.
  • Reflected over the fact that Lisbeth actually prepares for all eventualities, skills, long before knowing when or if she needs them…
  • A profession or task performed with mastery speaks for itself.
  • Infatuation can be dangerous.
  • Everything has a prize – also standing up for what is right.
  • Inspirational concept to take someone else’s creation and run with it and make it even deeper.

Recommendable? Definitely, good story, characters that develop and heaven for any person with hidden nerdiness 😉

Worth having a hard copy? Yep – if you’re a big reader this may for sure be one that you may consider reading more than once or give away as a gift.

Rating? 3.7/5 primarily due to that the English translation takes away some of the linguistic edge.

 

 

 

 

 

40 years in the desert

I can’t help of wondering if Moses never had any doubts?..

I think that was what Moses did? Wandering around I assume until he found his promised land.

I can’t help of wondering if he never had any doubts? No one was ever upset with him? Wondering what he was doing? How did he handle that?

And the women what were they doing? Or thinking?

The persistence and the size of faith, that all must have required… so what are my comparably small little problems compared to all that?

Can I find the same strength as his to lead myself out of the suffering? This self-made prison our generation seem to have created around us.

Can I re-fine that set point in myself when I would wake up and get out of bed just for the fun of the day ahead of me? Re-connect with that joy and creativity?

Finding inner sparkle without sugar, caffeine, tobacco or whatever?

This is for me my real question – to trust in myself – in my faith in myself.

Like a small small light far away I can at least see it. No bonfire. But something small that is bright and shines. I know now my path is leading that way. That I eventually will emerge in it.

I can start healing by accepting myself. I don’t need to know anymore. I don’t need to control or protect or differentiate. Or maybe a little bit. The mother in me still wants to protect.

Maybe acceptance is protection? Having somebody’s back when they go out on the arena of life? Shielding anyone would be hindering them even going out there in the first place wouldn’t it?

OK, white flag to myself – both protection and tolerance includes some type separation between good and bad and puts myself in the middle being the ruler…undo.

Long day, but still here – 319 signals to go.

Image courtesy to Stoonn at www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

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If you don’t know – don’t act

…I am happy to report, that in the days I had a corporate career I used to be envious of my fellow muslim co-workers….

As you know by know I read and study A Course In Miracles. When I follow my routine I also usually follow the weekly live stream with Marianne Williamson.

Sometimes I just listen and other times I take notes as was it a dictation.

On today’s replay there was 2 questions in the audience that resonated deeply with me;

One was a man, who over a period of a couple of years, had built up his business from scratch and now was ready to build his team and even if he indeed had found great candidates he still felt fear and a big worry about it, primarily however these people would be able to take care of his baby the way he expected.

It was so peaceful not be hear a lot of bla-bla-quick-fix-be-rational, but a simple listen inwards…follow your senses…don’t rush…if you don’t know – don’t act

How often haven’t I taken rushed decisions just because I believe if I don’t others will think I am unprofessional or incompetent or inexperienced…

The other was a young woman feeling out of her presence , but yet pressured to keep up with deadlines etc. All primarily because she felt it was more secure than to ask for a meditative time-out.

I am happy to report, that in the days I had a corporate career I used to be envious of my fellow muslim co-workers, who simply had their dedicated room and legitimately were allowed to take their moments for prayer etc. As a non smoker I had no official reason at all – for anything.Like this woman I just kept going even if I felt it was not optimal.

Now I started to wonder how weird we actually talk about work. Someone asked the question why would we want a job or work at a place where we feel the need to get intoxicated (read drink coffee) just to feel awake enough to get started? Said like that it does seem quite obvious – just I never ever heard anyone talk about work from that angle.

That said I now need my good night’s sleep.

320 signals to go – learning new.

 

 

Rootless

For the first time in my life I no longer have to run away to be able to cope – I can run towards something instead. It is a shift…

For a few days I couldn’t ground myself to write. Rather than punishing myself I try to reflect;

If I am careless with my routines – especially those grounding me and caring for myself – then I am easier swept away by other’s agendas and influence.

In a situation where you restart beyond zero – the vulnerability is genuinely on the outside. The pain from what seems irrelevant small issues goes right through and there is no protection. And feelings are energy. And afterwards it happens I feel like a wet spot on the ground, desperately trying to rise rather than vanishing down, through the earth, into another world down under.

As a child my references for security was places and not people. My mother had a house, which she mismanaged so much I had to live with my grandmother. We kept the house as a summer and weekend house. It was my whole world. Maybe because it was where I could flee from violence and harsh words in to the world of the nature and the animals. I know those forests like my own pocket.

Eventually my mother let someone else sell it. Someone bought it for a bargain price and burned it down…Every time I do a vision board or something similar there is always a house there. A house where people can come and go, but I am always at home there. With my children and my animals.

For the first time in my life I no longer have to run away to be able to cope – I can run towards something instead. It is a shift that I can literally feel through my whole system – not fully established yet, but on its way – I am rootless-ly flying through my own universe like a pulled up plant looking for a place to settle.

Without my parents I suddenly look for my own culture again. The language, the songs, the views and the smells. Is there a home in me I can not deny no matter how far I travelled? Re-connecting.

It is uncomfortable, but I can’t hurry it to be over.

It is uncomfortable, but I can’t go back.

It is uncomfortable, but I can’t stop it.

I am in the air – on my way home…

321 signals to go.