The vein is pumping over my right eye.
It is one of the post traumatic stress symptoms I still get sometimes.
If I leave it be it will take a hold of a forth of the scull and keep it in and iron grip – something along the lines of migraine.
But it doesn’t get that final grip today.
Today I am stopping half way and take care of myself.
I had to revisit something old and something traumatic. Something I tried to pretend was “really nothing”.
I have a few of those.
My daughter comes with me, so I am not alone. It feels better.
Just the building creates a reaction in me. Without even speaking or interacting with anyone.
On my way out I realize I am several meters ahead of her. In my head I am running away from there.
I stop and wait for her.
The world is safe and we can walk out in normal speed.
On our way home the pain in the eye starts. Like a mail in the post.
I do my normal shores and put on some tea. Put some sugar in it. Anything that I know will calm me a little. That feels familiar. Safe.
I go over my day in my head. Did everything go perfect? No. Did I miss anything? Yes a few things. Did I achieve the most important stuff? Yes I did. Did I do my best? Did I move anything forward at all? Yes I did – so it is OK.
Between me and myself maybe tomorrow I can improve just a little bit.
I am coming home. Slowly. 313 signals to go.
CRAZY BRAVE GIRL 