To truly change

Some say change is a linyard line from one place to another.

Others say it is a line – but – with loops on the way – sort of like recycling off path and then back on track.

Or it could be a constant forth and back hoping the forward movement are the once adding up on the plus side.

To me…

Some say change is a linyard line from one place to another.

Others say it is a line –  but – with loops on the way – sort of like recycling off path and then back on track.

Or it could be a constant forth and back hoping the forward movement are the once adding up on the plus side.

To me it has come to be about presence and awareness. Removing layer by layer.

It used to feel like ok now I got it and then I almost got disappointed when it turned out to be yet another layer to work through. Now I have learned to enjoy that – if it can be this much better what could yet another layer not be?

It has also become about moving emotional goal posts – reference points – as well as boundaries. I am not sure, but I must have been a bit of a doormat. I proud myself in being kind, but somewhere between naive and worried not to be liked I became the super diplomat, never really saying really no to anything.

So I practice that now. How much did I exercise my confidence this day and how many nos did I say to anything? Maybe this is what can happen when something goes wrong for one reason or the other and then you take on the guilt role and do that way longer than everybody else? You lose track of where you start and finish and all that other stuff begins?

Tonight I grateful – I am right here – a long road ahead and another longer road behind, but right here is fine – it is my own road and that is all that counts.

325 signals  to go.

Image courtesy to Pixtawan at www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

Confidence – anyone?

Self-reliability. Trust in one-self. Firm trust it even says in the dictionary.

How does it feel? I definitely knows what it does NOT feels like. Questioning self is not one of the answers.

Today it is about acknowledgement and confidence…

As a classical co-dependent child I obviously belong to those who on a bad day filter my life through the glasses of validation.

How does this come across? What will they say? What will she say? What does he think? Why is whoever saying whatever?

Question mark. Question mark. Question mark.

I know to increase my daily acknowledgements from 5-10, but it is the confidence stuff that really strikes home. Makes me a little bit uncomfortable. Breathing a bit deeper. Swallowing before really hearing the question.

Self-reliability. Trust in one-self. Firm trust it even says in the dictionary.

How does it feel? I definitely knows what it does NOT feels like. Questioning self is not one of the answers. Excitement and vulnerability at the same time it suggests.

I used to drown my self in work not having to go home. All sorts of work. Paid work. Volunteer work. Studies. Start-ups. My CV was like 5 people’s by the time I was 35. That was the side I identified myself with and what I was strong in.

Admittedly things can change, but I can’t help to wonder if more than not, if it wasn’t the opposite. I fought every possible insecurity with an outer action. Titles, salaries, benefits, rewards, media coverage etc. All measurable and “good”.

Inner confidence.

Yes, what is that really? A certainty who you are would be my answer and guess. The uncompromised version. The messy, not always so correct, answers.

The big question is obviously what would be the actions and the outcomes if you had it? It you were totally uncompromised 100% true to yourself?

For years the scene in Runaway bride where Julia Roberts is trying to figure out which type of eggs she actually likes, was a complete home-run with me.

By now I know many things I don’t like – yet to discover the depth of some of the new things I have found out.

How do you exercise you confidence? (yes it has an expiry date if you don’t watch it 😉 Please share it would be great to hear.

327 signals to go.