90 seconds on reality

So I am stepping out slowly but surely to the reality. Back to school and back to work and all that.

Somewhere I read that we only hold emotions for 90 seconds… then they blow over.

So if we can only survive those 90 seconds – not responding with another terrorizing emotion or action – we will be grounded back to life again. Which of these lives now – that is…

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So I am stepping out slowly but surely to the reality. Back to school and back to work and all that.

Somewhere I read that we only hold emotions for 90 seconds… then they blow over.

So if we can only survive those 90 seconds – not responding with another terrorizing emotion or action – we will be grounded back to life again. Which of these lives now – that is…

I found that I am either conditioned, or shaped, into believing that emotions are good – that is what life is about in fact. The bigger the better. There are 2 backsides to this reasoning however.

One being I only seem to be big on the negative stuff and can barely separate the difference or define the positive ones…

The second is society seem to prefer we are not emotional at all. It is disturbing apparently.

And then the given that once we finally get that we are more than just this body and just this life – then there is the children…and they didn’t ask for neither the way kids don’t.

Is functioning the same as being numbed off and in survival mode? Denying pains, grief and regrets?

Getting stuck in one owns pains or of others is simply overwhelming. To be eye to eye with real suffering is hard. Rape, war, money disasters, death…just to name a few that landed in my inbox this Monday morning. It feels  like one could throw up, call in sick and go and hide under a pillow – but that is not an option in my reality. I can dwell in the 90 seconds and that’s it.

Resourcefulness means something else here. One way or the other you have to move yourself forward. Plant the seeds. Nurture and nurture and nurture again and if everything goes well harvest at some point. Nurturing can also be hard. Children, animals, work, self, family…

So I hold that breath for 90 seconds. Sit in it all and when i let it go I am so out of breath I can’t take another one fast enough – and whatever moment has passed and I can re-focus.

Going home. 299 signals to go.

Image courtesy to Coward Lion at www.fredigitalphotos.net

 

 

 

A 1 year challenge

There is a time in life when we draw a line in the sand.

When we leave without ever turning back.

When we emerge ourselves into something with an energy beyond anything we ever focused on before.

There is a time in life when we draw a line in the sand.

When we leave without ever turning back.

When we emerge ourselves into something with an energy beyond anything we ever focused on before.

My line in  the sand came when I was 42 years old and within a time frame of 4 years I lost my father, I was witness to something criminal, I had a child coming back to live with me (without any financial help at all), my spouse was put in isolation – in a foreign country – due to life threatening virus, another child being bullied, business partners and certain staff trying everything from taking advantage to steel or plainly assuming I would pick up the bill for any mistake possible, being diagnosed with 4th grade cancer and medical burnout, taking care of my cancer sick addictive mother in her home… all culminating in my mother’s death, a severely damaged business-out of control -I was barely working in(aka no active income) yet legally responsible for, a badly collapsed relationship and a complete physical and mental exhaustion… so I draw a line. The line.

____________________________________________________

And I said yes to myself and no to most things going on – and intentionally I let it all, or most of it, collapse.

I started the journey of re-starting myself financially, re-defining myself personally, re-covering physically, re-structure my work and my relationships.

This is my journey now.

Part of it is that I am a writer and in specific a story teller. It is one of my core skills and ways I always have expressed myself. Both professionally and privately. So to start it off by a commitment to myself, to write every day, about this journey felt like the logical start.

This is MY 1 YEAR CHALLENGE.

So why am I putting this here and even telling people about the back-ground? Because I don’t think I am alone. My story may have different details, but the general issues are common to anyone having a life crisis – or having one, but not knowing how to deal with it, or having one and trying to ignore it.

And it gives a structure to an otherwise shapeless existence.

And it gives a sense of togetherness and new friendships.

In reality all things happen simultaneously. And it is only in an ideal world we can push pause on all other areas in our lives and then later push play again and things go back exactly as they were. They don’t. They never do.

In reality we have to grieve one person and parent another at the same time.

In the real world we have to deal with our physical shortcomings and go to work at the same time.

In the real world we have to save ourselves at the same time as we are helping everybody else.

So for 1 year I will be sharing this on this blog – my 365 signals finding my new home within myself.

If you are someone who also is on a quest for some sort of change and would like to share or connect or just follow – I am happy to support and follow you back. Maybe you have already assigned yourself some similar type of challenge? Please let me know in the comment box, email me or connect on social media.

Let us be strong together.

M.

PS. I am looking for other people who has given themselves or finished self-proclaimed challenges, similar like this – maybe another topic, another format or another time frame – for an article. If it is you or you know of anyone pls message me 🙂 DS

318 signals to go.

IMAGE COURTESY TO ETAPHOP AT WWW.FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.NET

LOOSING THE MIND

So this is a little bit difficult to talk about.Maybe due to its tabu…

So this is a little bit difficult to talk about.

Maybe due to its tabu or the general lack of knowledge.

Normally when somebody says they are loosing their mind they refer to a feeling of confusion, extreme stress, contradictive information, lack of social frame work etc.

What I talk about is when it is actually lost – as in G-O-N-E.

I read somewhere that nowadays memory related diseases that was previously referred to as aging symptoms, has actually been found are a way the brain and the memory is freeing up space. Same as if you dump memory to free up space on a hard drive.

People also talk about the personally change that can happen.

So this is my experience of this – in my own words:

  1. You don’t feel the same. It is not something tangible, just that 1% feeling of not taking things in 100% the same way like you normally do.

  2. You spontanious may react stronger to things than what you “normally” would. Be a bit harsher, shorter patience etc.

  3. You may wonder why you feel quite tired all the time or need an extra nap to keep up.

  4. It seems to peak out of the blue when normal things like recognising a person comes up blank, remember a location or how to get there even if you been there a million times before and so on.

  5. Things that used to be easy to learn new; text, speeches, new people’s name suddenly becomes an obstacle or something you have to put an effort to master. Reading can seem to be like looking at a blank paper etc.

So are you something or someone else? NO. You are still yourself and your emotional experience is still the same. In my case I lived extremely long under high stress – read more than 35 years – and then it peaked due to particular events such as separations, custody trial, several close deaths in the family etc under a relatively short period of 3 years – I simply started to blank out.

People around you may think this is when you are not agreeable – that IS NOT the case – no matter how convenient that would be. Logic thinking is still there – and usually what saves what could otherwise be uncomfortable moments – you try to quickly replace a situation to a previous occasion and back track it from there.

Something or someone just isn’t there at all – for a short period of time – and if you just take a moment it usually comes back or, like in the case of location, you have to trust your subconscious to do the driving, which it normally does most of the time anyway.

To me occasions like this I now use as a thermostat of my subconscious stress levels. To begin with – during the whole 35 years there are only a few times I would have referred to myself as stressed – I didn’t even really had a real meaning for the word before I had to define it.

It is the same as if I stumble in the stairs and hurt my ankle. I know I have to take it a bit easy a couple of days, sit still, keep the foot high, cool it etc. For the brain it is the same thing; feeling safe, eat well, sleep every time I feel I need to and as long as I spontaneously can, do things that empowers me and makes me feel good – this is not the days to take on big conflicts or solving the world’s problems.

Ok that’s me – for today.

334 signals to go. Still being sane.

Image courtesy of Idea go at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Creative overflow striking

When we create we can laugh at our mistakes – we can see the trying meaning so much more than the to-be-or-not-to-be of a certain result. I don’t really…

So I used to have this label on me as the business strategist, but the more I am putting it to the side, the more feelings (which some days are really overwhelming) are flowing and, in the moments of renounced internal peace, big chunks of creativity.

It makes me happy. Creativity make me happy. Not just because I loose a bit connection with all worldly problems, but because it is fun. It is a space I love to be in.

When we are in that flow we are directly communicating with Universe and not always to conventional way. But who cares? It makes you feel energized, have faith and hope and problem solving becomes something funny and entertaining.

For me a lot of creative work has been associated with mastery. However as much as I love the satisfaction of mastering a particular skill or appreciate someone else’s ability and performance, I have come to see the gold in the process. And not just for professionals – for any one. What healing power it has. Mood changer it is. Initiator.

The best is – when we create we can laugh at our mistakes – we can see the trying meaning so much more than the to-be-or-not-to-be of a certain result. I don’t really get what happens between school and adulthood, but somehow everything tends to become very stale and stiff.

The big good or bad of a dualistic world. Being born Christian and raised accordingly it is sad to say that I have a feeling our so called Christian interpretations have been so misinterpreted and had such a horrible effect on society. Yes, I know there is a lot of good too, but this – about the good and the bad – the sinner and the saint – that is a misinterpretation that is man made up and only used to install power positions and separation.

It is inevitable to be thinking of the massacre in USA saying this… It is not just justice and fairness that comes to mind, but what do we actually do when, in reality, when law (or whatever legal threat is applicable in the related state) is out of the game?

I mean when people don’t care if they will die – nothing will stop them but changes in the consciousness – and how do we really genuinely have those?

In creativity we are equal. We may have different resources and be differently prepared, but in the moment we are all equal and we can all co-create for the better.

So maybe break the ice of separation by simply smiling – works even when we don’t speak the same language?

346 signals of joy to go.