Hacking myself?

Information overwhelm and I am not just stuck in my head – it has also left me and vanished far into the future and seems…

Difficulties.

I am holding my breath and I can almost feel the tension putting its nail into my shoulders.

I remind myself to breath. Need to get back to work. Focus.

Between then and now 200 thoughts have passed and I have concluded how much I don’t know and a 1000 things I could do with the things I do know…

Information overwhelm and I am not just stuck in my head – it has also left me and vanished far into the future and seems out of reach for me right now…

Seriously?

I breathe again and open my eyes and collect myself. I can do this. I AM doing this.

Focus and there will be no room for worry.

One thing at a time.

This is good. I am on to something.

It is weird. My head has not left the body and there is no tingling anywhere. Rock solid presence.

I am on to something that I know. I didn’t know that I knew, but never the less. I know.

I know something very genuinely and deep and to the degree my body shows no sign of weakness.

It is my voice. My very own voice. No dialogue going forth and back. Just one plain voice.

Grounded, clear and firm (?).

I hacked myself.

I am stunned.

This is the voice people told me to take so good care of twenty years ago.

(Yeah, what else am I suppose to do? Drop it somewhere?)

I was so unaware and so naive.

(You are talking outside my body – why is it hurting so much?)

Calmer now. Want to give myself a hug. It is ok. Know better now.

315 signals to go. Definitely coming home.

Image courtesy by Pat138241 at www.freedigitalphotos.net

 

 

If you don’t know – don’t act

…I am happy to report, that in the days I had a corporate career I used to be envious of my fellow muslim co-workers….

As you know by know I read and study A Course In Miracles. When I follow my routine I also usually follow the weekly live stream with Marianne Williamson.

Sometimes I just listen and other times I take notes as was it a dictation.

On today’s replay there was 2 questions in the audience that resonated deeply with me;

One was a man, who over a period of a couple of years, had built up his business from scratch and now was ready to build his team and even if he indeed had found great candidates he still felt fear and a big worry about it, primarily however these people would be able to take care of his baby the way he expected.

It was so peaceful not be hear a lot of bla-bla-quick-fix-be-rational, but a simple listen inwards…follow your senses…don’t rush…if you don’t know – don’t act

How often haven’t I taken rushed decisions just because I believe if I don’t others will think I am unprofessional or incompetent or inexperienced…

The other was a young woman feeling out of her presence , but yet pressured to keep up with deadlines etc. All primarily because she felt it was more secure than to ask for a meditative time-out.

I am happy to report, that in the days I had a corporate career I used to be envious of my fellow muslim co-workers, who simply had their dedicated room and legitimately were allowed to take their moments for prayer etc. As a non smoker I had no official reason at all – for anything.Like this woman I just kept going even if I felt it was not optimal.

Now I started to wonder how weird we actually talk about work. Someone asked the question why would we want a job or work at a place where we feel the need to get intoxicated (read drink coffee) just to feel awake enough to get started? Said like that it does seem quite obvious – just I never ever heard anyone talk about work from that angle.

That said I now need my good night’s sleep.

320 signals to go – learning new.

 

 

To truly change

Some say change is a linyard line from one place to another.

Others say it is a line – but – with loops on the way – sort of like recycling off path and then back on track.

Or it could be a constant forth and back hoping the forward movement are the once adding up on the plus side.

To me…

Some say change is a linyard line from one place to another.

Others say it is a line –  but – with loops on the way – sort of like recycling off path and then back on track.

Or it could be a constant forth and back hoping the forward movement are the once adding up on the plus side.

To me it has come to be about presence and awareness. Removing layer by layer.

It used to feel like ok now I got it and then I almost got disappointed when it turned out to be yet another layer to work through. Now I have learned to enjoy that – if it can be this much better what could yet another layer not be?

It has also become about moving emotional goal posts – reference points – as well as boundaries. I am not sure, but I must have been a bit of a doormat. I proud myself in being kind, but somewhere between naive and worried not to be liked I became the super diplomat, never really saying really no to anything.

So I practice that now. How much did I exercise my confidence this day and how many nos did I say to anything? Maybe this is what can happen when something goes wrong for one reason or the other and then you take on the guilt role and do that way longer than everybody else? You lose track of where you start and finish and all that other stuff begins?

Tonight I grateful – I am right here – a long road ahead and another longer road behind, but right here is fine – it is my own road and that is all that counts.

325 signals  to go.

Image courtesy to Pixtawan at www.freedigitalphotos.net